Hyacinth Thrash wrote:Holy crap just saw this.
With regard to new material, I will say that choosing to no longer see myself as a failed musician has been very freeing, while simultaneously not having a creative project playing around in the back of my mind all the time has been extremely deflating. So I either think of myself as a failed and stagnant creative or I just feel a general lack of drive or purpose with regard to putting things into the world.
So where is the balance? I'm genuinely asking. I'd like to think that I could just poke at songwriting and recording and sort of trickle things out as they reach completion, but what is the model for that? I look at what DB's been able to do in the past 18 months by simply shackling himself to a promise and honestly it kind of terrifies me. His best material of the past 18 months is absolutely the best material of his life, and from the outside it appears that a combination of stockpiled potential energy and some significant financial realities have challenged him to rise to the occasion in an unprecedented way.
I guess my point is that, for me, it's not been a crisis of creativity so much as it's been a crisis of identity. Of how I see myself in the world and what strengths or talents I want to encourage and exercise in myself as an extension of that sense of identity.
If you asked my family they would all tell you that since I was very young I have been groomed toward the life of a writer. As a kid I attended writing conferences for promising young assholes, etc. To this day, my dad, who is the loveliest man in the entire world, will say that I am definitely going to be a writer. I'm a 38-year-old grown-ass man. All the while the implicit comedy of the notion is that being a writer is an occupation with zero requirements, save one: to write. To put it subjunctively, if I were a writer, I would write. Every day that I puzzle over some insignificant piece of a half-formed idea of a novel and don't write it down I am choosing not to be a writer, because writing it down is all it would take to become a writer. Sure, I'd be a failed writer, or an undiscovered writer, or whatever, but at least then it would be more than this vague childhood sense of potential and could finally emerge an identity, complete with some real obligations to actually do something.
I don't have a way to wrap this up.
Anyway, jac I sent you PM with a link to some old stuff that for all I know we've shared in years past. Enjoy it but please don't pass it around because it's definitely not done and I'm not ready to be associated with it for whatever reason. I'm happy to share it with others on here, too, under that same condition, mainly because this has always seemed like a crowd comfortable with material in process. Frankly, we all know that I'm the most critical person in this group and I already think it's fairly shitty so there's no where to go but up! There's a version of the song you asked about in there. Thanks for thinking of me from time to time; I appreciate it.
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