i guess im the christian type, but like someone said earlier (i think it was ansible) im kind of unsure of the nature and reality of mans relationship with God, thats one thing ive been thinking about alot lately, but at the same time, lately it seems like im never able to get myself too hyped up over this stuff. i was raised christian, but it never really meant anything to me, my morals were based more on my fear of getting in trouble with my parents, and my beliefs, i guess i defended them because its just how i was raised, then i guess about two years ago it actually started to mean something to me on a more personal level. it seems like ive been going through phases lately, where im doubting alot more than before, or i just dont care, and i hate being like this. apathy drives me insane, so i hate when it takes form in my life. its hard because ive had a few major high points, where i felt like i was truly doing the best i could, and seemingly, life kept going really great for me, things just kept getting better, finally when it all came crashing down, i got lazy and selfish, i guess thats the best way to put it, and its always been off and on for me since then honestly. if i sit down and start reading, c.s. lewis is almost always able to inspire me in some way to question myself, but sometimes a piece of literature just isnt enough. this is a thing i copied down out of one of his books, and at the time, it made me feel alittle more unique and answered some of my questions.
http://onegoodword.blogspot.com/2007/11 ... on_22.html
i guess that feeling has worn off, like all 'feelings'